Were you good enough today?

…how about this week? This month?

January is a tough month. Your instagram is full of diet culture idiocy or people snarking about resolutions. You feel the need to reinvent, renew. And in the meantime you might be struggling with Winter blues. You make the obligatory trip to the gym, like I did this week, and find yourself sick from it (also me). But you have got to ask yourself, were you good enough?

I blame myself for feeling low (along with the illness and Winter and the wolf moon) I reviewed last year’s resolutions last week. I also talked about giving up drink last month. But the rebel child in me has been completely triggered by these posts about dry January and resolutions. She kicks off whenever she thinks she might be doing something everyone else is doing. Resisting the good habits I had shared here, I have had another week of TV binge and time online. And yes, feeling unwell and sorry for myself has helped this bad week along.

Neglecting my morning pages, my writing, eschewing socialising and Artist’s Dates it has left little for me to write about here. Except I wanted to share that I did also do enough. Fed myself, cleaned the toilet, read stories to my child. As Mums, I think we dismiss what we do and focus on what we don’t. Even on a rough week, we did probably look after our children pretty well.

In his CBT manual, The Feeling Good Handbook, David D Burns tells you “Dare to be Average”. I don’t particularly subscribe to CBT therapy though I see it is useful to analyse your thinking after the fact. I am not of course trained, (so please listen to any psychiatrist over me) but I feel the techniques can also lead you down an overthinking rabbit hole if you are a typically anxious Alice. However, his mantra has always stuck with me. If perfectionism stops you from doing anything, it might be worth doing something, rather than nothing, averagely.

Which is why I wanted to post so that you know I am trying. Hopefully I will be well next week, back to better habits, but for now I hope this is enough.