Life can be full of difficulties that block creativity but we have to keep going forwards.
Today we are saying goodbye to a friend who lost her life too young. Like most people nearing forty a number of friends have been lost along the way, and some dear relatives. It always take you by surprise.
Sadly, so many people have lost their lives with the pandemic too and we are all more vulnerable than we like to think. I am grateful today we can say a proper goodbye, many were not able to with the restrictions and lockdowns that made it more difficult to honour those passed over the last few years.
When death hits closer to home, it turns us inwards and outwards at the same time. We say I’m going to do the things they could not do. This vivacious woman could not go everywhere so let me go there. It also helps us reflect on where we are stuck.
I do feel stuck in my art and in trying to do so much for my family. I feel stuck inside my house because I am not well (though thankfully much better than I was). And this inward reflection shows up in frustration and criticism of any work I have done. It shows up in how I wrangle through the bureaucracy of school, how everything feels like a fight.
My morning journalling practice has been so valuable, despite writing only a few scenes in my novel, I have filled a large notebook with all my thoughts and feelings in the last few months. So perhaps, a bit like this rambling post, my mind can only cope with the fragmented thoughts and processing my feelings.
I think when you are stuck, blocked by life, there are some amazing tools out there, like The Artist’s Way but there is also something that you have to use too: faith that it will come again. If life is too big for the creative work you have to trust that the way you are living your life will help you show up soon to your art.
In the meantime, I have been taking my Artist’s Dates in exploring nearby, as well as using my flowerpress I have been elderflower picking and made tea and cordial for the first time. I am being creative in the kitchen – partly to help make the food stretch further as prices rise. And I am gradually finding ways through to my son to help him in this tricky time. I have to believe that treating life with this curiosity will gradually let my creativity unfurl.
So, as I prepare myself to go to the service for my friend, I think about what I can promise her. In the future, if not now, I will try to live my life to the full. I will do what I can each day to step towards my dreams of writing for a living. I will do everything I can to cherish the bright spirit she was.
Difficult times are not easy but death so young makes us reflect sharply – if not now, then when?