The Accidental Home School

January 24, 2023January 24, 2023 ~ MumWriteNow ~ 3 Comments

How we are coping with a new school set up…

Despite the title of my blog referring to my motherhood, I have become more cautious about sharing about my son’s life. He is having a tricky time but the last thing I want to do is make the future tough for him by sharing too much. So to put it simply, he is currently not in school and at home with me. I never intended to become a homeschooling parent but this is the tale of my accidental homeschool and what I would have done differently.

As 2022 drew to an end, I reflected on the confusion of the last couple of school terms

At first I thought we would get to the bottom of the upset and get my son back to school at least part time…it didn’t happen.

Then I thought I should finish work set by school – fighting through my fatigue to meet their requirements and motivate him. Not a chance!

Then I thought I would get a load of books for him to work through at his own pace and then I signed up for online classes… This was the most ridiculous thought of all. Had I forgotten how little he did all that time in lockdown?

None of this worked. If it still looks like school, it is too much. Now he does low demand activities with a tutor once a day and I try my best the rest of the time. The hope is we will not stay in this limbo, waiting for a specialist school placement, for too long. But while wait I have done what I can to look after myself.

How I have coped

Evening walks so I always get outside alone

Taking him to the park and stopping myself feeling guilty as school isn’t the right space for him right now

Ear phones in and lots of brilliant podcasts and audiobooks

Building up my reading muscle again so I can read more physical books in short chunks each day

Quiet time in the afternoon while he plays in his room

Asking the local authority for a tutor so he is not missing out as much

Acknowledging that I do not want to be his teacher but I can help him

And finally, though it means doing less creative work, volunteering my time to help other parents. This has helped me make connection with the adult world a little.

By sharing this part of my journey, I am hoping to explain why I have been less dedicated to my blog. But also take the time to explain that we do what life calls us to do. Life is what happens when we are busy making other plans I have explained before.

I hope that as I reflect on my accidental “homeschool” I can start to add more in again that also makes my life more creative, fun and interesting. And for both of us I hope we find the place where he can be his happy self.

Take Micro Me Time

October 28, 2022October 27, 2022 ~ MumWriteNow ~ Leave a comment

Time poor but determined to take care of yourself? Time for a microbreak

It is the half term break where we are right now so I am seeing lots of parent content about kids driving them to distraction this week. Well as someone whose son is out of school whilst we find the right special school, I know a little something about having someone around the whole time. As it’s six months now, I no longer chafe against the irritation – instead I try and find time to be me.

Here are some ideas to help take just a little me time whenever you can:

Of course I have to say get up early – what mum blogger is not going to tell you to get up early? But for me that does not mean before my child. He wakes anytime between 3am and 6am daily and needs far less sleep than me. So realistically that means get up with my child and supervise him. But each morning I make coffee in a special mug. Once he is happily on Roblox or YouTube and sit down and smell the coffee – a mindful moment can just get you appreciating life a bit more.

Obviously some parts of my morning routine like writing morning pages have become habits. Though they do not always happen and are usually interrupted -in fact the practice of writing three pages of stream of consciousness means my pages are often about the distractions I face. Irritation is a great tool to bring you back to your body – its usually a sign that I am not meeting a need. I may need the coffee, time to write or even – and this is tricky – enough quiet to think straight.

Having my headphones in is another great way to take a break even if it is not quiet. As well as listening to podcasts and audiobooks, I use binaural music which is soothing. Like a background track to daily life it helps me in those frantic moments. I may not be getting him out the door for school, but I still having to chivvy my child along particularly as getting dressed is harder for him than others his age. Accompanying my life with something which works well to soothe my mind and keep my relaxed has helped me greatly cope with life.

Take some time out on the mat. My yoga mat sits out to remind me to use it and does occasionally gather dust. I have got used to squeezing it between my bed and wardrobe or kicking aside the rug downstairs. And similarly I have got used to fitting in yoga when I can. By doing simple beginners routines online for just 10 minutes where I can. It’s amazing to me everytime that I stretch just how much tension there is in my muscles. We can become so used to holding it all together. I love this yoga from Yoga with Adrienne for neck pain if you also carry around your burdens on your shoulders, like me.

Finally, I take sneaky microbreaks when we are out and about as a family. Leaving my family whilst I do an errand and grabbing a coffee is not revolutionary idea but that treat can be a reminder you have a right to look after yourself. If my son is engaged I may shut my eyes for a few minutes to take a break or just enjoy being in the other room. I took a longer break this week by browsing in a secondhand book shop while my family enjoyed ice creams in the car.

Sometimes just taking ten minutes doing something you enjoy can be enough to set you up. You can be ready to fill your child’s cup with attention again. It’s not easy having my child with me all the time, I must be honest. But like all life’s challenges, it’s a lot easier if I take time to take care of me.

Podcasts to Change Your Life

October 1, 2022 ~ MumWriteNow ~ Leave a comment

Taking time for yourself with self-help can be just what your week needs

Podcasts have been my faithful companion for about a decade now. As I try and make life more organised and develop my productivity, I have inevitably come across a lot of self-help podcasts along the way. Here are the staples of my weekly podcast diet that can help you whatever you need!

YOU NEED A PEP TALK

Mel Robbins has a series on Audible Here’s Exactly What to Do about everything from stop worrying to having fun. She has this commanding voice and directive style that can really get you ready for action. Since they are standalone, you can relisten whenever you want to improve in certain areas.

YOU NEED PRACTICAL STEPS

No list of my favourite podcasts could be complete without Gretchen Rubin’s Happier podcast. The weekly actionable steps towards a happier life as well as problem solving nature really is helpful and fun to follow along with. Each week it comes up with helpful advice but also many of her books are invaluable. I always recommend her book The Happiness Project as a way of constantly reviewing life and making incremental changes each month.

YOU NEED A SENSIBLE STOIC

If you need something less practical and more philosophical, you can’t go wrong with some stoicism in your life. I recently become obsessed with the Daily Stoic, Ryan Holliday has a series of books based on his research on Marcus Aurelius. The ideas really gives us a way to live our lives. It links too with Essentialism that I have been working on recently as a way to see our time for those things that we value most.

Derren Brown, the master illusionist, psychologist, who always blows my mind, has an incredible podcast called Brain Camp for the Brain. Both explaining why we do things and what we can do to hack. I recommend him as a stoic because his amazing book Happy: Why More or Less Everything is Fine is also a must read for fans of stoicism. He covers both the history and how we can apply it to our lives.

YOU NEED TO THINK CRITICALLY

I love self help up and to the point where it can help and apply to my life but I also remain sceptical. Often the advice does not apply to real life: work a four-hour week, have a miracle morning or live in a magically tidied house are wonderful ideas but maybe they do not suit the economy you live in, the circumstances you are born into or the fact that you have children who need your attention.

So my favourite podcasts that take a critical and comedic slant are Go Help Yourself. Misty and Lisa review the book and give you insight and homework each week but also help us understand the biases that are often at play in these books.

I always devour By the Book episodes. Kristen and Jolenta live by different self-help books for two weeks and apply them to thei lives. Often their work exposes the unreality of these books and gives us also interviews which explain why the self-help industry is such an important part of history, particularly in the United States. Their book How to Be Fine: What We Learned from Living by the Rules of 50 Self- Help Books is a great place to get all the sensible advice.

Have you listened to any great self-help podcasts recently? I’m always looking for new ones!

Learning New Things

June 25, 2022June 25, 2022 ~ MumWriteNow ~ Leave a comment

To truly value the hard times, we have to approach life as if there are lessons to learn

In a recent group post my fatigue coach, Pamela Rose asked us to take the Tony Robbins quiz on our “driving force” – linked here if you are interested. I am a little sceptical of Robbins style and some of his philosophies around health. But I will say at surface value he got me right. My drive is for growth, always learning and looking to grow and get better. The idea of considering is these driving forces is to ensure that we are approaching our lives with them still in mind, even if fatigue is putting up barriers.

I think that there is often barriers in my life. As I recently wrote there are ways to overcome these: no more tears and of course I do apply all of these methods to try and live creatively. But I also think the situations themselves can teach us things in life.

Right now life is telling me I have to concentrate on my family. My son’s not coping at school so his needs are much higher. It is also reminding me that life has easier and harder times. Sometimes the hard seems to drag on. However just as to live with a chronic health condition you have to come to a place of acceptance, in these tougher times you need to accept they are just that.

I may be around less or doing less creative work for a while as I get through this difficult time. But I am committing to my 50 day challenge so I take the best care of myself. I am committing to creative moments and artist dates still to feed thia need. I am still committing to trying to read as a good book is a happy place even in dark times.

I will update the blog next month with how it is all going with hopes that soon I will be able to write again. In the meantime, write right now if you can.

Half Year Reset

June 14, 2022June 14, 2022 ~ MumWriteNow ~ Leave a comment

It’s that time of year when I reflect on what I can improve

There is something about the arbitrary passage of time that is on my mind recently. I am nearing forty and trying to have no regrets of time lost. But now it is June I feel the need to reset my goals.

I often use the Gretchen Rubin method of having 21 in 2021 etc which I have in my journal but this year I decided to revisit my vision board. This is a practice I learnt that I had achieved the aims of a spa trip, some sister time and have certainly tried to get out in nature. I had a recent Artist Date exploring the azaleas which gave me a lot of joy. And I have been trying to find ways to look after me eventhough my son is having a tricky time.

The inconvenient truth about life is sometimes one thing goes right then, another goes wrong. I don’t mean even just the big stuff. Detailed plans seem to me the stuff of wild dreams. I have written about my disdain for plans before not to discourage planning but to try and reassure anyone I know, life doesn’t work like that.

So this year for my reset I wanted to be more realistic. The algorithm sent me a message (like it’s the from universe but more likely just the sort of wellness content I am consuming). I am following a 50 day refresh led by Smilin Aislinn on youtube. Watching her videos just made me smile, she’s not worried if your journey looks completely different which clearly as a nearly-40 year old non-model I have in no way a similar life. But I am inspired to try and be consistent. Keep up habits that help with both my energy and creativity.

If you are inspired to anchor each day with healthy habits, she recommends setting both your goal and intention behind them. And most importantly not to be a perfectionist about it. There is no need to go back and revisit if you miss one. I missed off get up early from the list I made because that one is a given for me. These were the habits I created to support me:

Simple Habits to Help Energy and Creativity

Habit one: Morning pages. Everyday three pages as soon as you wake up. Or do them imperfectly like me. My intention is to have a space to be creative, reduce stress by journalling my worries and find me time at the beginning of everyday

Habit two: Green juice and lots of veggies on top of my normal food. My intention is to add to my energy by being healthy but not restrictive. I have tried a number of wellness fads and this one has stuck. If I am more consistent hopefully it will support healthy recovery.

Habit three: Afternoon meditation. I can’t always sleep in the afternoon but I find taking a restful moment each day for 20 minutes will give me a better chance of getting through my day even with fatigue. If you’re bad at meditation, I’ve written my guide for fidgets.

Habit four: Three gentle exercise days and three yoga days. I know that doing very short and gentle workouts makes me feel better as long as I only do it to my level. The appreciation I have now of being able to do this bit more having been living with fatigue for nearly 18 months makes it so valuable to my sense that I am recovering. Again being consistent hopefully will also see some positive improvement in my endurance as the weeks go on.

Habit five: Ten minutes reading daily. You may see I have recently posted some reviews and I am enjoying reading books again within my limits. I am still making my way through 40 books before 40 from my to be read (TBR) pile. Reading will always be my greatest inspiration and it’s a joy to build up my concentration despite the fatigue.

Habit six: Skincare. I am guilty of buying lots of skincare products and letting them sit looking me each day. Taking a bit extra time to use the jade roller and various potions is adding that bit of self-care at the beginning and end of each day. It’s my small way to remind myself to look after myself even in the toughest of times.